There are many challenges that a person might face when living with a partner, husband, or wife with an alcohol use disorder. These may vary depending on the situation and the people involved, but studies https://sober-home.org/ have found that there are many commonalities. In one study, for instance, researchers interviewed 30 women who were wives of alcoholics about the issues they faced and the coping mechanisms they used.
Discuss what might be fueling the drinking
If you have children, it’s important to protect them from unacceptable behavior as well. Do not tolerate hurtful or negative comments addressed towards them. Substance use disorder is a primary, chronic, and progressive disease that sometimes can be fatal. No matter your background or expertise, your loved one will likely need outside help.
Understanding Alcohol Use Disorders
You probably spend your days and nights worrying about their safety, and you may be taking on the majority of the household responsibilities while your spouse struggles with alcohol addiction. Getting a therapist or counselor involved can also help make the conversation smoother and offer support for both of you. Dr. Jonathan Siegel earned his doctoral degree in counselling psychology from the University of Toronto in 1986. Alcoholism treatment is usually a long process, and relapses are not uncommon. However, a relapse should not be viewed as a failure but a temporary setback on the path to full recovery. Problem drinking affects decision-making, and research connects drinking to increased rates of infidelity.
Can I control my spouse’s drinking?
Growing up in a home where alcohol use is common, can leave lasting scars. If your loved one has become addicted to alcohol, however, their brain chemistry may have changed to the point that they are completely surprised by some of the choices they make. When someone with alcohol dependency promises they will never drink again but a short time later are back to drinking as much as always, it is easy to take the broken promises and lies personally.
If your alcoholic spouse is interested in getting professional help, encourage this to happen quickly
The effects of living with an alcoholic are both short-term and have lasting consequences. Spouses of alcoholics are more likely to be victims of domestic violence, may suffer emotional harm, may neglect their own health, and may become socially withdrawn. Many relationships affected by alcohol end in separation and lasting effects like physical injuries, emotional trauma, additional addictive disorders, financial problems, and broken relationships. To avoid or minimize these effects it is important to directly address the issue of drinking, to try to help the alcoholic, and to leave the relationship if necessary. Alcoholism brings severe challenges to not only the affected person but to their spouses and any other person living with them. If your significant other is dealing with alcohol use disorder, you may be exposed to emotional harm, domestic abuse, mental problems, and even be at risk of developing an addiction.
Recognize its impact on your relationship
Living with an alcoholic spouse is challenging, and it can feel hopeless on some days. But you can help your partner see reasons to get help with the right approach. There are many options for getting help for alcoholics, and the quicker you act, the faster you can return your home to normal. Loved ones of alcoholics usually get neglected when it comes to treatment. The partner with a drinking problem may get help and attention, while the other often suffer the effects of their partner’s alcoholism on their own. Don’t talk about the problem when they are drunk or when you’re angry.
For those who love someone living with an addiction, it is very difficult to sit back and let the crisis play out to its fullest extent. But the reality is that not even the person dependent on alcohol can control their drinking, try as they may. If your loved one is truly dependent on alcohol, they are going to drink no matter what you do or say. Understand that recovery is a journey and not necessarily a one-time goal.
She’s also currently working on her dissertation, which explores intersections of disability studies and literacy studies. When she’s not researching or writing, Cherney enjoys getting outdoors as much as possible. When living with someone who has AUD, it’s important to understand that you didn’t cause the addiction. A support group to build connections with others who are going through similar experiences can be beneficial. It’s also important to address your family’s own needs at this time.
Research has also shown that children who experience alcoholism in their daily lives are more likely to suffer from emotional and behavioral issues. Problems at school are also common, and it stands to reason that they would act out if their home, which is supposed to be a safe haven, isn’t a safe space. Even if your partner refuses treatment, a professional https://sober-home.org/short-long-term-effects-of-crack-cocaine/ interventionist can connect you with your own therapy or counseling to help you cope with life after leaving an alcoholic. In some cases, families may hire a professional interventionist to mediate and assist with the conversation. Ultimately, you may tell the alcoholic partner that you will end the relationship if they do not seek help.
The choice to leave any marriage is difficult, and only you can decide if staying or leaving is right for you. But consider your wellbeing when making that decision, in spite of any internal or external pressures you may feel. If your husband or wife is open to getting help, their first step is to go to a therapist or doctor who can best diagnose them and recommend a course of treatment. There are also many types of meetings your partner can attend (Alcoholics Anonymous, SMART Recovery, or Women for Sobriety). If this happens, remember that anger comes after denial in the stages of acceptance and give them the physical or emotional space to process this new emotion. Alcohol abuse is much more common in men than in women, and it affects them in different ways.
It’s common for someone with AUD to try to blame their drinking on circumstances or others around them, including those who are closest to them. It’s common to hear them say, “The only reason I drink is because you…” Kristeen Cherney is a freelance writer and PhD candidate who specializes in covering topics related to mental disabilities, women’s health, skin health, diabetes, thyroid disease, asthma, and allergies.
When living with an alcoholic spouse, seeking appropriate treatment options is essential for both the well-being of the non-alcoholic spouse and the overall health of the relationship. Two potential treatment avenues to consider are individual therapy for the non-alcoholic spouse and couples therapy and family counseling. Living with someone who has an alcohol use disorder severe enough to be considered alcoholism presents a number of challenges. Spouses of alcoholics may suffer emotional harm, be victims of violence and domestic abuse, develop health problems, or even develop their own addictions.
Living with an alcoholic partner often means facing a daily barrage of emotional challenges. You might be on the receiving end of verbal aggression – harsh words, criticisms, or humiliating comments, especially during times of heavy drinking. The best tip for how to talk to an alcoholic spouse is to express concern while avoiding criticizing or blaming. Explain how alcoholism has negatively affected them and the family, and offer a chance to go to treatment.
If you have a spouse that won’t stop drinking, you may need to prioritize your health and well-being by seeking professional help. It also helps to have an exit option if you think they are becoming aggressive or dangerous. Consult a mental health expert for evaluation and therapy if necessary. If you have kids, ensure they have the tools required to cope with the situation.
There may be very little you can do to help someone with AUD until they are ready to get help, but you can stop letting someone’s drinking problem dominate your thoughts and your life. It’s OK to make choices that are good for your own physical and mental health. Children who grow up with a parent with AUD are more likely to misuse alcohol themselves later in life. They’re also at a higher risk for other challenges, including difficulties forming close relationships, lying, and self-judgment. Intoxication can also present other unpredictable events, including physical dangers. When under the influence, your loved one may become angry and lash out.
- You might slowly begin to accept more and more unacceptable behavior.
- If an alcoholic refuses to get help, the last thing you should do is make it easier for them to drink and indirectly support their behavior and choices.
- You can offer support and encouragement, and set boundaries, but ultimately it is their decision if they want to recover.
- You wouldn’t blame yourself if your partner had cancer, heart disease, or arthritis, would you?
Some may be struggling, but others have found ways to cope and live happily together — and so can you. If you identify these signs in your spouse, it may be an indication that they are struggling with alcoholism. It’s important to approach the situation with empathy and seek help and support for both yourself and your spouse. Seek support from friends, other family members, or a mental health professional. Many people who drink heavily have untreated mental health conditions, such as anxiety or depression, or are carrying a history of abuse or trauma.
However, there are resources and methods to help both of you deal with the alcohol use disorder that has affected your marriage, all of which will lead you to a happier, healthier life. Family counseling involves the participation of other family members, such as children or close relatives, who may also be affected by the alcoholic spouse’s addiction. In couples therapy, the therapist helps the couple navigate the challenges that arise from addiction, facilitating open and honest communication. The focus is on developing healthy coping strategies, addressing underlying issues, and finding ways to support each other through the recovery process. If you’ve been covering up for your loved one and not talking about their addiction openly for a long time, it may seem daunting to reach out for help.
Alcohol addiction is a brain disease, and your partner will probably keep acting that way till they get professional treatment. You should also understand that you’re not the cure to that problem. Trying to get them to stop drinking on their own may not only be a waste of time, but it could also be dangerous.
Before you talk with your partner, take some time to research how AUD might be affecting them, their personality, and their behavior. Research from 2019 found that 25.8% of adults reported binge drinking, and 6.3% reported heavy alcohol use in the past month. You can offer support and encouragement, and set boundaries, but ultimately it is their decision if they want to recover. For many, this means there is a point at which they must walk away from someone with an alcohol problem, no matter how painful it is for everyone. Ultimately, someone with alcohol use disorder must accept help if they want to recover.